I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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