This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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