you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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