he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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