I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
