He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
