Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
