Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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