I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
