youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
