I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
