Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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