Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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