I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
