I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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