okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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