I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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