last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
