She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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