I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
