He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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