if you like me you must not know who I am
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Im part way to drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize