I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
