I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
