she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
