Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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