my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My dick has a subreddit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
