I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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