is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Holy shit dude........stairs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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