Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
