Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize