Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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