Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
