There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
