i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
