dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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