He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
