If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
