do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
