I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
