he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
