she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We're using joints as your birthday candles
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize