You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
