Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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