Can i not drive my cunt home
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
