I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
