I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
