you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
