oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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