I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
