Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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