my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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