Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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