she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
