I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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