Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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