when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
