he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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