two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
