Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
