You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
