I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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