ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
