I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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