plz talk dirty to me
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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