In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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