i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize