I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
