I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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