The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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