i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
