If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
