Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
