Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Drake has all the answers
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
