I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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