Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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