summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Floor bacon is actually really good
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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