i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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